The subject of O's - a lesson in femal orgasms

When it comes to O's it is a topic near and dear to my heart, ok maybe further south, but you get the importance.
I am in a very orgasm discussing kind of mood after Sir gave me THEE most incredibly amazing spectacular indescribable fucking epic kind of orgasm I believe anyone has ever had last night. For all you perv's reading this I will give you this short story in another post ;)  this post is more for guys to understand a females orgasms. From my point of view. I don't know how much of this applies to every woman, but I'm betting a lot applies to most woman.

For me, only with my Sir, orgasms come easy and often in multiples or they "run together" in a way. There are different types and many different intensities. (It's interesting to note, if you have not read my other posts, that I never had a single orgasm before Sir, with another man or alone. We have a few theories on that :) )

There is clitoral orgasms, which mostly run the same intensity and are easy to do,  with just a little of the right kind of friction. For me, I have not discussed this with a lot of woman, so it may be the same or different, I'm not sure) the easiest way to get a clitoral O, gently, too much pressure hurts, not enough does nothin. Gently rub the clit against the bone underneath it gradually increasing speed. Works everytime.

Now vaginal (or g spot, if there is a difference I am not aware of it) is a harder to get to, and varies greatly in intensity. In general I can almost always get off this way at least once everytime we have sex. Harder/faster is all it takes. The intensity comes in based on the environment and pre game activities. The more aroused I am, the stronger it will be.  As well as the environment. If I am not concerned with any other ears hearing me, if I am still sort of dressed in something sexy, a porno maybe playing in the background, if Sir talks dirty (he is quiet though, so I have been known to run a xxx dialog through my head) but when he does and he is really into it, or desperate to fuck me like it's life or death, all of that increases the energy, or environment for me and I will have a stronger orgasm. Other things that help here are anal play, if he has a dildo or finger up there while he is fucking me. Spanking during sex, vibrators, role play, the right music (keeping rythem to it also, as it climbs, I climb) attention to my nipples, and French kissing... The #1 thing for me though, and I've learned this goes for the guy or the girl, how into it the other person is. The more "oh my god I have to fuck you now" the orgasm substantially increases.

Another type of orgasm - the mental one. This one I have not had often, but it has happened. Though typically it needs a bit of physical stimulation to "finish it off". But I'm talking about girls that finish just by giving a blow job, or just watching another couple who are really going at it. Reading a trashy book or story, something that turns me on soo much, I have a small release. It's not huge, but it does give me a post orgasm feeling and I am not sexually frustrated afterwards. At least not as much. As I said above being more "into it" helps, and though I have not had a mental orgasm from giving head, ever since I got more into it and started enjoying it myself I have come pretty close a time or two to this O.

Last, the real shebang. The orgasm that mixes all of these together. The recipe is as follows:
Frustration: getting and keeping me turned on with no release for an extended period of time.
Comfort: knowing I can let go
Pre game: or foreplay. But not too much or I will finish too early. Getting close and stopping is ok.
Energy: the other party being very turned on also
Build up: same as pre game but while having sex, get close and stop or slow down, repeat.
Clitoral: with or without anal stimulation as well, but the clit is the important one (very important)
Vaginal: fuck me desperately.
This is best achieved for me when I am on top. The clitoral stimulation is perfect, the vaginal is deep and just the right angle. The thought that he is watching my whole body, and enjoying what he sees. He also has easy access for nipple stimulation, and even better is if I'm on top but he is the one in control of our movements, grab her hips push a little further in and move her body up and down your length.
The results are earth shattering for her and well worth the effort put in.
(Another interesting fact about me, on top I squirt like crazy, but never have any other way)

Long time coming...

It has been a really long time since I have written a new blog post, we have had a lot of things getting in our way lately. 

We have been playing a little still and trying to work out where D/s fits into our lives, but less so then before our vacation. It's been one thing or another since we returned home...

I have been trying to absorb as much info as I possibly can in our downtime, and learning a LOT. 

KD (this is my Sir, my Husband, my Love. For ease of flow between this blog and a particular group, I am referring to Him as KD instead of Sir, unless He would prefer to remain Sir in the blog? Please let me know.) 

KD on the other hand, has seemed less interested in the research, and letting me do the leg work. Like I said though life was kinda treating us like shit for a few weeks so He had a bit more then normal on his plate.

A little back story before I start: I have always been a pretty stubborn person about something's. It always felt like a source of pride KD had had in me. He told everyone about me being stubborn and never being willing to give in, even at the detriment to my health. His "bragging" to friends about it, made me feel good, like He was proud of my stubbornness. He would SAY I should be less stubborn and tease me for it often, but I listened to His actions and believed He didn't really want me to work on this flaw. 

In my "research" I came across a kinky "romance" novel, that had some pretty controversial feelings about it. I decided to make my own decision and read the book. KD and I discussed an aspect of the book after reading it, trying to explain how I would like Him to Be more mentally Dominant as well as physically. The Hero of the story is trying to "fix" a flaw in the submissive heroine. 

Fast forward to finally being in a place we can "play" tonight, and this is how things went:

I was told to "get ready" in under 5min. (All those who have ever worn a corset and a garter belt with stockings, know that those things alone take at least 5min each) right away I knew I would fail, and be "punished". I still rushed as quickly as I could, but knew I would fail. It excited me. It had been too long. Normally if I'm set up for failure, it is because He is in a "funishment" mood or He knows I am craving it myself. I was very much craving a good spanking tonight. 

I went 8min over my allotted time (seriously 13min for hair, make up, a quick shave, and all the trappings listed above plus music/earbuds and blindfold, I impressed myself!!) 

I was attached to the eye bolts in each side of our bedroom, by wrists with cuffs and rope. He attached His clothespin/padlock torture device to my nipples, putting the connecting cord in my mouth to bite. 

I was lightly flogged for the 1st mistake, going over time, and for not wearing some form of heels (my vain decision- this outfit is all black, and my good black heels broke last time I wore them to play, and I have not picked a new pair yet) I was nicely warmed up by now, so KD brought up another infraction from a few days prior which suggested 40 spankings... These were administered with a flexible leather paddle and I was told to count them. 

After this my ass was on fire, but I didn't miss a single one and I still had the pad lock cord clamped tightly between my teeth, and I was seriously turned on. 

KD then tells me, that He is a little sad that I have never dropped the cord for His torture device (in my head I think "ya and I NEVER ever will!!"). He informed me that He would continue spanking me until I dropped it. My 1st thought was "oh fuck, can I handle this?" Next was "yes, He can't go at my ass all night, and chances are high it won't take as long as He expects to draw blood." Knowing that this is a limit we both agreed to at the start, before we knew that drawing blood on your ass does not take as much as we would have thought. I thought I would for sure win this round. He continues with the paddle, some hard and spread out, some harder and quickly together in a repeated spot. They hurt, but I was handling them just fine. He bent me over at the waist, and moved on to really really hard bare handed spanking. This was a bit worse as He was putting more muscle into it, I was starting to question if I could keep doing it, but still telling myself that yes I could. He switched between the paddle and His hand a couple times, tried staying to one side and close to one spot, yet I was still not letting go. Still questioning if I could, and giving myself a yes, I could. He thought maybe a change in implement would help. 

In "spanking lab" I talked about the day we tried several household objects to see what "worked" one object was a long stemmed silk rose. So plastic faux thorny outside, wire inside. I was completely fine with this as an implement on spank lab day. However I think I only got one swat with it, and did not have too sore of a bottom before it either. I approved it. 

He grabbed it, and swung. Holy jeebus that fucker hurt. The next one hit the other side and I was almost realizing I could not take much of that. By the 5th or 6th one, it was unbearable. 

I said "I can't" and dropped the cord. This was all pretty intense and happened in a very short time. The clothes pins popped off - torture itself, and fucking shit my ass hurt. KD asked if I was ok, and I lost it. There was such a rush of disappointment in myself, for what I believed was actually letting him down, and happiness that the whipping stopped. I don't know why really, the intensity rush is what I believe is the culprit, but as soon as the words "are you ok?" Came out of his mouth and he gently touched my back, it all rushed out of my head (yes out of is how best to describe it) and I was bawling. KD quickly released my arms, and I took some deep breaths, wiped my eyes and pulled myself together, (already thinking fuck, now I'm not gonna get laid, He is going to stop.)

I quickly tried reassuring Him I was OK. But my tense, shaking body was less then convincing for Him. He suggested a cigarette and I quickly jumped on that, thinking I could calm myself down and try to figure out how to explain to Him what just happened. Then we could head back to the bedroom. 

We talked while we smoked and I tried to explain the overwhelming rush that hit me. And that part of it was that I gave in, so He would not be proud of my stubbornness anymore. (Turns out, that while yes He likes a little stubbornness in me, He actually thought I was a little crazy with how far I would go and not give up. And btw in all this I am referring to physical stubbornness. Such as never "tapping out" basically.) 

I could not however explain, that in my head, all of what just happened was a good thing. We learned a little about the other, I got exactly what I asked for and needed, the spanking obviously and the more mental side of D/s. I don't know where the tears came from, but I kind liked the rush itself. I just really wish it had not made me cry. He feels terrible. And it does not help that while using the flower, little to no marks were being made, but shortly after dark purple slash marks showed up, making my ass look much worse then it feels. 

I want to convince Him that I am fine. That we are learning, and experimenting. Now we know that wire silk flower stems are for the really bad transgressions. Lol and I think tears are bound to fall, I accept them and am ok with them. I will call red when I am not ok. I promise. 

{To my husband when you read this, I don't want you to ever feel bad, or not to like how things make you feel. I'm the one who does, and should, feel bad. I'm sorry I didn't drop the damn thing before my stubbornness got me to the point it did. I will be much more careful to communicate with you that things are getting to the "overwhelming" stage before they actually are there, and hopefully never cry AFTER a punishment again. I love you}

 

Finding my own answer

It was asked in a group on fetlife the other day "what does it look like"

Meaning what does the dynamic you have or want look like. That's a question I've never been able to answer. I am not sure what I want our "end result" to look like. What I want out goal dynamic to be. Even in the beginning things I thought I would never want, I now do want. Things I thought I did want I don't. I just can't put it into words what I do want. I know I want Sir to to have control of our dynamic and where we go with it. But I am pretty sure I want more then He does. He wants the sex part only. To be honest, I think I want more, but I also know I will fight that sub consciously. 

So I am sticking to "at the moment" what I want right now. 

I am confused by my own actions last night and between this topic already being on my mind and last night, I am thinking that what I want in right this moment, is for Him to tell me what WE want. I want Him to take charge and have BOTH of our wants/needs in the front of his mind. He does great at this, a lot of the time. Giving me exactly what I need at the right time, sometimes even at the cost of what He wants. Maybe what I want is for Him to be the one with the goal and the plan to get us there. 

Last night He wanted a blow job, right after watching a show on tv. 

I balked at it, I am not sure why. My theories however, are 

A. I was not "in the mood" which would be my issue, not His. I need to remember to suck it up and get into it anyway. Which after a few minutes I would be in the mood and happy I was doing it... 

B. I might have just been testing Him. To see what He would do if I did say No. He did tell me He still wants me to have opinions and let Him in on them. (Which is why I believe He didn't push, and make me do it)

 C. I am still a little sick and Bj's are really rough on me atm, I have a hard time breathing and my throat is already pretty sore. I was wishing last night He had thought of that and started play another way. Had I been sure that yes He realized how giving head affected me at the moment, and still wanted it, then I feel like I would have done it without argument. Why is that!? I'm not sure. I am ok with Him intentionally making me uncomfortable but not unintentionally. Which is what I think was happening last night. 

Maybe I am wrong though. Maybe He did know and was wanting it despite the discomfort it would cause. I do seen to have an issue trusting Him to know what He is doing. Probably because I'm never let in on His thoughts/plans. He does put some thought into what He does with me, and tests my will power, strength, and boundaries. He just does not let me in on those unless I ask the specific questions. I wish I knew if that was also intentional or not....

This probably sounds like a jumbled mess to anyone reading. But it did help me. 

I am starting to get a clearer picture of "what it looks like" now and what I may want it to look like in the future. And I have reminded myself to trust Him, and to voice my concerns when I have them. 

What a WUSS!

Sorry it has been a few weeks since a new post came out, our lives have been getting in the way of our play time. Sir is still "warming up" to His role and gets more and more comfortable with it every day, but there has not been too much going on that anyone might wanna read about ;)

I'm gonna pre req this by going back to before we left for vacation, Sir was waiting on me to "get ready" for him one night an apparently I gave him too much time near my craft table. He fashioned a fun toy out of 2 clothespins, some thin rope and a heavy pad lock in the center for weight. Plus a line of rope to be clenched in between my teeth. He attached the pins to my nipples and tied his damndest to make me drop the rope i was biting. But I am a jaw clencher, so I won my 1st round of light predicament bondage. (and will probably regret that brag!) But I am game for more!

Our vacation was a bit too full of, people, to have much to write about, but Sir found stolen moments on long, or short, drives to torture me a bit, and push my exhibitionist side out of hiding a little (and the beach was fun too ;) )
I brought home a nasty head cold, which kind hindered His plans for a few days (my ass was in for a LOT of work...)
Last night, he came home late from work after the minor monsters were in bed. And right away started asking me if I felt better "enough". Truthfully I didn't. I wanted to wait one more day. He did not tell me this until later, but He was starting to get sick, and felt last night might be our best meeting point of both being kinda sick. lol So He is trying to convince me to agree that I am up for fun, it did not help that He had worn a tie to work yesterday... It is rare He does, but I love it when it happens ;) The tie came off, went around my neck, and did a goo job "encouraging" me to follow Him to our room. Where my shirt was pulled up and used to restrain my hands and arms behind my head, my shorts were long gone, and I was sick remember? I was going for comfort, no underwear necessary. Within minutes I was ready to say fuck the cold, but I was worried I would not have enough energy to keep up with him, so still held onto wanting to wait. He played dirty and knew it. A good OTK spanking and I could resist no more. Like I said it was   a GOOD one, I thought for sure I'd have a hard time sitting today!
Now I am convinced I get tied to our walls  (I need to get a pic of this, I don't think readers see the positioning correctly) We ordered a BDSM "kit" online, that had just come in. We knew most of it was not gonna be quality stuff, but the cuffs looked good and reviews were good and they are all we really wanted, so we ordered it. The cuffs are good quality, fit ok, and are much better on my wrists then the ropes. He began playing with the rest of the toys in the kit. A blindfold, nothin special. A flogger, that has more sting to it then our old one, but maybe also related to the point I will make in a few minutes. But this one did actually leave some marks. The ball gag strap did not go small enough to fit around my head, and the nipple clamps were way too weak to really even feel. So getting frustrated with all this junk stuff (good thing we didn't really want it all anyway an don't feel we paid too much for it) He grabs his clothespins and lock... yeah those still hurt like hell, but are less... OMFG... coming off.
He then decided to try the weak clamps down south, figuring they were good ones to try it with. NOT. The 1st was on an outer lip, that one was bad fucking enough, the 2nd I assume based on how it felt was on my clit, but honestly was probably my hood. The two rubbed and pulled each other, my nipples were long forgotten. Even more flogging didn't distract from those two evily little things. I had to ask for them to come off. I didn't have it in me. Though I tried. And those coming off was even more OMFGFGFGF then nipple clamps any day. OUCH!!! But as soon as blood calmly flowed through again, my nipples started screaming at me. And I said I just wasn't up for them either. He obliged and removed them too. I really really want to be allowed to orgasm when tried up like this, I love it when he bends me over and fucks me from behind. He knows this and probably what He planned for the rest of the night since I screwed all the other play up. But... as the title of this post indicates, I was being a big wuss. The slip knots in the rings holding my arms had slipped a little so I was hanging over the edge of our bed, my chest hitting the foot board and my shins hitting the cedar chest... So we moved to the bed and very vanilla-y finished up. I blame the cold. Usually I have a higher pain tolerance. Maybe cause I was tired, cranky, and already sore and achy all over. I just wasn't up for anything last night. Though Sir was right, now he is sick and went to bed right after dinner, about 7pm... So playtime will have to wait at least a few more days :( At least all this pent up frustration should make for a pretty fantastic night when we are both feeling better right?     
And ps... my ass was fine today! I have taken way more then what I got last night before an enjoyed it! lol what a wuss!

New Rule

    I have a new rule... I am AWFUL I mean really really bad about drinking water. I'm pretty much always some what dehydrated. Not only is it a big health concern, and contributing to me not being able to flatten my tummy as much as I want, I get headaches from not drinking enough, often and I have trouble being "wet" and keeping my mouth moistened. You would think with all these reasons I would be able to increase the water I drink on my own. But they weren't.

Sir jokingly said it was you going to be a rule. I, in all seriousness, said that was a good idea,  otherwise it won't happen. I just don't like water. And I refuse to use fake sugars, so I drink coffee - lots of it, Gatorade and an occasional soda. 

During dinner last night Sir decided that it was officially a rule. And wanted me to drink all 6 of my glasses (a little over half your weight in pounds, switched to ounces is the recommended daily consumption) by bedtime. Grrr. 

I was so full of water I was sloshing! 

Though its a good rule and one I will do my best to not break, last night He didnt want to make it easy, only giving me a couple hours. Yeah I probably could have just chugged the 60 oz all at once, but I didn't. I drank 5 glasses, plus the ice, and several of the glasses He finished and told me I had to start them over. He was having fun, making it hard on me. At one am I was told it was too late. It was after midnight (I was not given that information, but was not going to argue) 

I was punished with a strainer spoon, one He definitely seems to like, I do not at all. 

I yellow safe worded it, He wanted me to take a little more. I got two more. That was fine. But I do think I will talk to Him about giving me a number. I think if there is an end in sight I could be ok with more...

I was also told to perform oral while He laid on his back, I like it this way a lot less, but He likes easy access to spank me. However, unintentionally I figured out how to deep throat Him! Still need to practice it more, but I didn't gag too terribly much. He LOVED that. Even though I can't get into the task as much in that position, I was so happy that He was proud of me for doing as much of it as I did! So that made the position better for me. ;)

My biggest lesson learned last night was to ask for clarification, not assume. While He was fucking me, I was working hard at controlling the orgasm that was desperately trying to take over, I was told I could not cum yet. Later, I heard Him say something but I was not sure if it was "I want you to cum" or "I don't want you to cum" (I still have two punishments coming to me) so I assumed it was "I don't want you to cum")
He was thrusting harder and faster, so I knew He was close.  I should have asked what He said, but I didn't. And I didn't cum either.... After He had His, we laid down and I asked what He said.... It was "I want you to cum." Damn-it!
I can deal with orgasm denial when it is what He wants, when it serves His purpose. But I'm a little upset with myself A for not giving Him my orgasm He wanted and B for inflicting the sexual frustration on myself. 

Spank Lab!

Last night was a very fun night (though I paid for it today!)
Early afternoon yesterday, I was in the kitchen baking cookies for a bbq at friends later that night. Sir came in and stole a piece of dough I had already rolled into a ball. My OCD kicked in that now my pan would not be even. I yelled at Him but continued transferring baked cookies to the wire rack with my spatula. He, in no way being nice, offered to even them up and took another ball of dough!! I started trying to smack his hand away with the spatula... DAMNIT. It gave Him idea's... He easily took the spatula from me and landed a hard smack on my ass. Which He decided He liked. Annnd made Him look for other good "implements" in the kitchen and around the house. He discovered a wooden spoon, a strainer spoon, the other kind of spatulas, a belt, the stem of a silk flower, & paint stirrers (plural, one at a time was not enough, He liked 3 stacked together...)
That night he set up a little Lab Day for us. Told me to pick 3 of the items from the kitchen. That was a little hard to do... There was only 4 items. As the sturdiest was the strainer spoon, I left that one out. Blindfolded, arms tied to the wall, bare ass out, He tried each one out. Tested their accuracy, the mark they left, and my reaction. He also used the flower once, and the strainer spoon once, and the paint stirrers once. My chosen 3, the flogger and His hand, all got plenty of use.

• The Flogger: Ehhh. It is an enjoyable foreplay. Every now and then, with the right flick of the wrist, in choice locations (nipples) it might sting a little. But mostly It's barely more then a tickle. 
• The Spatula - A (or turner, the kind you flip pancakes with): Just the right amount of good pain, still fun, or funishment actually. Yet still leaves a sting that sticks around.
• The Spatula - B (The kind you scrape a bowl with): Mostly funishment, kinda a dull thunk, but I am not sure which side he used??
• The Wooden Spoon: Very nice slapping sound, but it is apparently hard to control accuracy. It is too thin handled and spins mid swing. It's painful though. Punishment.
• The Strainer Spoon: OUCH!!! Like I said, it's sturdy and has a good amount of oomf behind it. I got one clothed, that was enough to tell me it was punishment, but I got 3 bare assed later, probably because I didn't pick it, but He wanted to try it. Yeah, it's punishment. 
• The Silk Flower (Stem of): I imagine this is close to a switch. Very quiet, but some what painful. I only got one, and it was enough to know this is a punishment implement.
• The Paint Stirrers: He was right, one does nothing, good or bad, three put together give them a more satisfying thwack and a little sting to my bottom. I'd rate it as funishment though, even with 3. 
• Bare Hand: This is my favorite. I honestly CRAVE it. I love being turned over his knee and spanked HARD. OTK or not, it relaxes me. I can't explain it better, but I feel so good after being spanked bare handed. And I love the reminder of it the next day ;) This is probably always going to be funishment, no matter how hard he hits. I, to be honest, am already addicted to it like a drug. I am still a little high off the very good OTK (chest more accurately) spanking we ended with last night. ;)

                     

Failures and achievements

I thought I was going to get a little bit of a break for the next few days, Sir does not get along well with Aunt Flo, so he avoids her. She came for a visit yesterday. We refer to this time as me being "broken". He did however allow a modified panties only for sleep when I am broken.
He jokingly said He was going to make it a rule that I was not allowed to be broken. I told Him I was gonna be getting a lot of punishments for that rule....

With the no clothes rule in bed I am cold when I 1st lay down, so I cuddle to warm up. Cuddling a naked submissive must be frustrating... After a few minutes I was told to give Him a blow job and that if  I got Him to cum, I didn't have to wear nipple clamps for an hour tomorrow... (little back story, in 12yrs together I have never been able to bring Him to orgasm orally. This would probably hurt my pride more then it does, but that no girl before me achieved that either.)
I have made this task a personal goal anyway, so I got to work. I tried every trick I have read, every suggestion he made, fast, slow, deep, shallow, everything I know of.... And I probably would have kept trying had He not stopped me after what felt like forever. But He did. Pulling me up to him and kissing me before slamming His hand onto my ass. I failed. It sucked! (or didn't suck apparently) 
I'm discovering I truly enjoy even punishment spankings so far, so this caused me to start wiggling my hips and gyrating against Him. I was told that if I continued to do that He was going to fuck me in the ass. This is NOT something I enjoy, especially when I can't even have a distraction on my clit. So I tried, did my best to hold still. While He kept spanking and kissing, and sucking on my nipples... My body was not listening to me. It kept wiggling. Damnit.

I was pushed down on all fours, lubbed up and fingered there, then I kept trying to get my body to relax as He was slowly entering me, but it hurt too much. But my Dom is a smart man who already knows what I need so well. Started slapping my ass really really hard. That hurt worse, but I loved it. It provided just what I needed to loosen up and let Him in! No alcohol, no 15 prior orgasms, no clitoral stimulation, just a hard spanking. And He was able to really start fucking my ass. And even more surprising, once He was in and moving, I even started to enjoyed it!! Getting this far has happened very very few times, and it has always taken a lot more factors to help. This time it worked well enough that He was able to finish there, I didn't have to stop Him ;) 
So tonight I am celebrating my accomplishment there, but depressed about my previous fail. And my poor still sore nipples are not looking forward to their punishment tomorrow :/ I know what I will be doing for the day (besides another task I was given)... More tips and tricks research on giving good head!!!!


Ps. I really don't know how long I will keep posting most (not all) of what we do, but right now I feel like this is helping me sort out the feelings I have, so I will keep doing it for myself :) 
If others enjoy reading it, awesome. If it helps someone else that is turning a vanilla marriage into a BDSM one they can enjoy, I would be ecstatic :)

Communication is key...

I am having a hard time writing this post, and it's because I was being stupid.

I told myself I needed to punish myself because I was still trying to grasp control and not trusting Sir. I thought, I will tell him and let him decide on his own punishment for me, but I will punish myself each time I start to slip. (that's why this is hard to write, I realize now, that I was still doing What I was telling myself I had to stop doing) but I think Sir handled it well. 

As my "self inflicted" punishment. I decided on nipple clamps for five hours. When sir got off work an hour after starting this. I told him everything. But that I thought I would not make the entire 5hrs as I didn't realize how severe that was going to be. He told me I either made it my 5 hrs or He put them "somewhere else" for 5hrs.... Effectively taking control away from me. 

I made it to 4hrs with him periodically toying with them, at 4hrs I almost lost it when a little hand accidentally grabbed each of them.... But I was not about to endure them where Sir had in mind, so I kept fighting through the pain. Finally the grabby hands were in bed, and I had 30 min left.... Sir wanted to play. I knew they were not coming off in 30min. 

I prepared myself for Him the way he likes, and was waiting when the alarm I set on my phone went off. I turned the alarm off, and continued to wait. 

A few min later I was again bound to the hooks in the wall, and tortured for information I didn't want to give. I caved and gave part of the information, and would have given it all but I honestly could not remember the other half of the answer he wanted. That did not go well for me. 

After more teasing and punishing, I was led to the bed, head hanging off, face stufed with balls and cock, and tortured more. Of course I did not deserve the clamps taken off yet... But at this point other body parts hurt worse then my nipples, and I was too distracted to care about them... So that is when he chose to remove them. HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That was intense. 

After calming down from that experience, I was brought to the edge of my orgasm several times, but never allowed to cum. 

I was upset. I was proud of myself for keeping the clamps on so long, and for doing better controlling my orgasm when I was told I could not have it. But Sir did not feel I deserved it yet. He came all over my chest and left me wanting....

This is where things went really really right. Even if others wont see it that way. It was exactly what I needed. We sat down and talked. About everything. For once I was not writing confused messages, notes or blog posts, trying to figure out what I wanted to say, I was able to just say it. And he was finally opening up about where he was at with everything as well. I wanted to tie him to a chair and never let him move, since he was finally talking. We didn't talk as Dom/sub, but as husband and wife. And we didn't talk only about BDSM, we did talk a lot about that,  but we talked about a lot of other things too. I'm not sure how long but maybe 2/3hrs we sat there. I was so happy about it. I feel insanely better. I finally did actually let go of the control.

Everything that was decided/discussed is not really relevant to the blog, but the things that are, I will share:
 I have a better idea of what he wants from this, so don't feel I have to guess. 

He does not want the 24/7 dynamic. He wants an equal partner sometimes. I can't say I disagree ;) 

But I would like it to be a little more then only in the bedroom, so we decided anything sexual anytime of day is His control & after the minor monsters are in bed for then night, He is in charge 100%. We have very few hard limits, and basically all our limits/likes/dislikes are the same, for now. Mostly because we have not tried much. So are open to it, until we can make a better decision. 
I do have a few rules now, but He wants to be careful of our relationship, and go slowly, so nothing too crazy yet.

After finally deciding it was really late and we needed to go to sleep, I hinted I was not quite ready to sleep yet... He said if gave him a good enough blow job, He would fuck me and let me finish... Yeah I sucked that penis with everything in me, and earned my reward ;)
***His

The 1st ouch

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Last night....

So as I said in the previous post, Sir surprised me by coming home from a business trip, having some ideas and quite a bit of enthusiasm to try a bit more D/s and b/d.
Before beginning I had a couple strong drinks, I wanted to be ready to try anal if he desired it. He always wants to but it does not usually work.
He wanted me to finish the drink I was working on, so we did have a chance to discuss a few rules. They are very basic, I must always refer to him as Sir. I can not look at him without being told. And obviously no cumming without permission. I still am craving more rules, but will wait patiently for Sir to decide on them.
We have a trigger, to indicate the power exchange, he says "you're mine". Which means I go to our room, change into a corset, garter, thigh highs and heels, and present myself, and wait for him. This time he added putting my ear buds in, music on, and a blind fold.
He said the trigger, and I jumped, excited to finally get started.
I sat waiting for him, after a while he pulled an ear bud out and asked where the blind fold was. I had forgotten it... I was bent over the bed and given a good spanking. Then asked if I would forget again? I replied "no sir".
He then attached each wrist to the ropes he had attached to the walls at each end of our room. I was lightly teased with nipple clamps, a flogger and his wonderful hands. Spanked both bare handed and the back of a hair brush (I think). He fingered my ass a little and a very frustratingly too short of time, fucked my pussy. I was just about as stimulated as I could be without cumming.(I have lost slight feeling in my thumb from pulling the rope too hard on my left hand. The tingling feeling is coming and going today... Lesson learned!)
He released me from the ropes and massaged feeling back into my wrists, before pushing me down to my knees and rubbing his balls in my face. I eagerly took the unspoken command and began licking and sucking. He thrust his entire shaft into my mouth, forcing me to take as much of him as possible. I really would like to be able to deep throat him a little more... He fucked my mouth and allowed me to lick and suck his balls for awhile. I was then pulled up & lead to the bed still blind folded and with the ear buds still in. I was spread eagle across our bed and bound to each corner. The ropes here held less of my weight as the bed did that so were much more comfortable, and I had some room to move my arms and legs, but not much.
He began pouring hot wax over my already throbbing, clamped still nipples, then down my torso and to my clit. Each new drip felt amazing. I definitely enjoy hot wax. Sir enjoyed rubbing my tingling clit and pussy after the hot wax was poured on it. Following the hot was I was rubbed down with a cool oil. He sat on my chest raised my head with a pillow and shoved his dick and balls back in my mouth. I sucked him as hard and fast as I could, trying to show him my gratitude for the pleasure I has thus far received. But I was only allowed the privilege of his cock in my mouth for a few moments before he released one ankle and the opposite wrist, twisted my ass out and bent the leg up. And slowly, so slowly began fucking me. I was reminded not to cum, and told if I did he would cum in my mouth and make me swallow. I tried, really really did. But I need more practice at controlling it when he is fucking me hard. I came. I believe all this work was taking it's toll on his energy as well, he undid my remaining wrist and ankle and told me to ride him. This time when I was about to cum I was thankfully given permission, though I did not deserve it. I came at least two more times on top of him. With him controlling the speed and depth by holding my hips. I am completely powerless when he does that. The third orgasm caused him to blow inside my pussy as well. which made him none too happy that he did not get to give me my punishment form my 1st orgasm. I am sure though he will make sure I get my punishment.
We lay there completely spent, and I asked why he did not try anal, I knew he wanted to. He said he did not get the chance. While laying there together, I just had such an urge to touch him, his chest hair, scraping my nails over his nipples, kissing his ear... I think after so long of not being allowed to have my hands on him once I could it was like I had to. He didn't think he was up for round two so quickly, and I explained I was not looking for a round two. We began talking toys, and I grabbed his cock and told him this was my favorite toy. It was not long before he changed his mind on round two. Again he wanted me to ride the shit out of him, and gave me permission to cum. I did several times... until I had no more energy what so ever. He told me keep riding him or he would take my ass. I literally could not make my body listen to me and keep going, so I picked ass. He was slow and gentle and told me to finger my clit. I am not sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I had cum so many times I was incredibly relaxed, yet still turned on. But it was not painful when he slowly pushed his hard cock in me, I pushed a little of the way, I think me controlling it also helped, and after a short time he was able to begin thrusting in my ass and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
This is where things get a little ruined, I am not sure why, but what was fine one minute, in a second was not. He asked if I was ok and I truthfully answered no. He immediately withdrew and I kind of collapsed. I really really wanted him to still finish though, and told him so. I am so happy he complied, took me doggy style hard and fast. I didn't cum this time, but am so happy he did. I think HIS orgasm denial would be more of a punishment for me then my own to be honest. I would feel terrible. I don't ever want that to happen.

I lied, so spank me...

I know I said my next post would be about what we do now and what we don't do yet... Buuuttt things are already about to change. Sir came home from a business trip today. While en route home, I sent a fairly descriptive email, explaining my ideas, things I have read, things I wanted to try etc. At the end was a very detailed fantasy and some more ideas. He came home ready to fuck, and not too happy that we couldn't do anything for awhile. I am not sure why, but while I was cooking dinner he picked up my phone and began reading things off my fetlife.com acct. I had not sent him the blog link yet, but I have copied this blog into a journal on that site, and he read it all.
I am very excited to report, he is happy about what he has read. He said he also wanted to do wax play, and ropes. He also said he was happy about this cause he has always wanted into this lifestyle as well. Not sure why he never said so either...
Anyway, we went and bought more rope, some rope bracelets that will work much better as cuffs then our cheap ones, and some hooks for our ceiling. He attached rope & cuffs to each corner of our bed and is now installing the hooks. He said he did some research lately and wanted to try some things :) I am so wet wondering what his plans are! I do want to discuss rules before we play, but I may not get that chance ;)
Update in the morning, but this is a turn for the better for sure!

***His

How it started...

Here is my background of why I am trying to figure out if this is the right place for me. 

Starting way back as a child. I played "house" by myself often. I usually played Laura from little house on the prairie. Papa was always got mad at me, he would send me to the whipping room, I would have to lift my "skirts" remove my underwear bend over and wait for him to come punish me. He would come, very calmly say, you know what you did wrong, you know what the punishment will be. Then "he" would use a long thin stick I had found to whip me with it. Sometimes if the whip was not to his liking I would double my punishment and have to go find a better one. I don't know why Papa never kept the ones from previous punishments..... 

I would whip myself with that stick until I could not walk. I was still young enough to not realize I could keep going with this. I would pull my skirts down and continue with my "chores".

Fast forward a year or two and I am discovering masturbation and sex. I found a screw driver handle worked best as I could not go out and buy a dildo. At the time I was not too impressed with fingering myself. I would read my dads porn mags of a woman eating oreo's in bed to intentionally upset her husband, she told him she was a naughty girl, and asked what he was going to do about it? He turned her over his knee and used a hair brush to spank her. Then he used the handle to see she was dripping wet, fucked her with it for a bit, then really fucked her. After they had finished, he asked her if she had learned her lesson? She replied with a meek yes sir, but all the readers knew there was a twinkle in her eye, and she of course would do this again. I loved that story. It triggered many of my masturbation fantasies.
I am not sure WHY I did this, but I also enjoyed pouring hot was on myself, breast, stomach & pussy. Have not done it since a teenager, but would like to again.

Now lets really fast forward to Sir and I, our sex life has always been great for me. I cum easily, & he is very well endowed. (This is where things are going to get hard for me to pretend he is not going to read this, so I can get it out there...)

However, he find what works and repeats it over and over. I can't tell you how many years most of our sex started with him feel'in  me up, for a couple minutes, I'd ride him until I came two or even three times, then when I had no more energy, we would switch to doggy style and he would finish. As I said before I am shy voicing what I want from sex, and my husband has very little experience before me with sex, I am not sure anyone ever really showed him the things he could do to a female body besides blow jobs and basic fucking. Slowly I was able to add a little variety, one way was telling him no repeatedly because it got him to almost force me, and I liked that game. But I still had my D/s fantasies.

I liked to imagine I had a hot older sister with a hot older boyfriend.  I lied to them and said I was sick so they would leave me home alone. But my worried older sister would send the boyfriend back to check on me, and catch me watching his porn. He would yell at me for lying, for touching his things. Then he would say if I was old enough to want to watch this, I was old enough to take a real one. He would tell me if I didn't he would tell my sister the truth. He was hot and in my fantasy I was a curious virgin. He tied me up, made me suck his cock and tortured me sexually, before fucking the shit out of me in a variety of interesting angles.
Another VERY recurring fantasy, started him Sir taking me to an Adult resort. Where sex in common area's was... common. Where couples looking for a third went... I would say something mean, or do something to anger him, so as punishment, he would take me to the pool area, announce to everyone that I was a bad girl. Then he would blindfold me, lead me to a pool table, bend me over it and offer my ass to anyone wanting to teach me a lesson. Plenty of people took him up on that. Spanking me as hard as they could, calling me a dirty slut, a naughty cock tease... I had tears running down my face, but I was so so so WET! Then Sir would have his turn. He tied up my hands held onto my hair and fucked me while spanking my sore ass. Afterwards sometimes we would go back to our room, he would rub aloe vera on my ass. And tell me I was his good girl for taking my punishment. Other times he would cuddle me in his lap in the pool area and ask who I wanted to join us that night. Sometimes it would be a girl, sometimes a guy. We chose together.

So I am keeping my fantasies private, but dying for a way to tell Sir about them.
I read 50 shades of grey... this really strikes up my desire, and shows me that you can have fun with this without going too far into the BDSM world. I am still unsure how far I want to go. Several months after reading it, I finally work up the nerve to tell Sir. I am now realizing how lucky I am that he was interested. We did a SMALL amount of research into it, and played out a single "scene" : He told me what to put on, how to do my hair and make up, said if we were doing it, we were doing it right. That comment turned me on like no other. I followed all his instructions, let him know I was ready, wearing a robe over my lingerie, we went outside to smoke after the hour it had taken to get ready. He undid the sash and started playing with my nipples and sucking on them, in our apartment complex's courtyard. He has them completely exposed and starts sucking on them. I start to argue it, he reminded me of my place. After going inside, he told me to do a strip tease for him, I did to the best of my abilities, leaving just my garter belt, thigh highs and heels on. He laid me on the bed on my back with my head hanging off the side. He teased me with a flogger, which was nice but I was beyond it doing much good, especially since neither of us have much idea of what to do with it exactly. We got bored of that and he told me to give him a blow job. I opened my mouth and began sucking right away. Sometimes he would take his cock away from me, then a few minutes later put it back in my mouth. I was thinking it would have been perfect had he told me to keep my mouth open at all times while in this position. But I read that telling him he was dominating me wrong... was counter effective. So I held my tongue, or his penis rather. He told me not to cum, while stimulating me with a toy. I was not able to last long. He asked if I came, and I truthfully told him yes. He sat on the bed and pulled me over his knees and spanked me. Biggest turn on of my life. I almost came again. He then rolled me to my stomach on the edge of the bed and pulled my knees up, and drove his penis into me. He fucked me hard, it took everything in me not to cum. I was so turned on. He laid down on the bed next to me, and told me to ride him. I complied very nervously. I cum very easy this way. I tried, really really tried, but I came again. But he did not punish me for it this time, just said "did you forget to ask permission?" I replied with yes, though it was more of an inability to stop it then forgetting. To date this has been my favorite sex act between us.
We have tried D/s sex again almost every time since but are running into some dynamics problems. After that time, he never enforced me calling him sir, he has not put me over his knee and he just isn't demanding or vocal of what he wants from me. I worried he did not like this. So did not push it. After a few more months, I worked up the nerve to bring the topic back up by email... and he told me he DOES enjoy this. He just feels bad knowing that there are some things I wont like that he wants from me. I am trying to convince him that is this role, I will like it. Even if I don't, I still want/need him to do it. I put myself in a different frame of mind when I am being his submissive. I want him to be a jerk about it. He can be sweet after. I want to make him happy. I just don't yet know what all will make him happy, and I am not sure he does either. 

So that's pretty much where we are. I have a small amount of more info on all this then he does, but for me to be able to submit to him, to give him complete power over me, I need him to learn more. But without me "topping from the bottom" or telling him he is doing it wrong and turning him off of this. That is one reason I will write exactly what comes to my mind. Even knowing he will read it. I want to explore where this could go for us.
My last post for this evening will be what we have so far established and what we need to make decisions on. I hope I can get some BDSM community reading this blog and offer me some insight and suggestions. How do I teach him to dominate me, while submitting to him?

***His

Intro...

First I would like to introduce myself as a happily married 29yr old woman. I have two wonderful babies. I want to start here that I will be trying my best to not *edit* my blog posts as I type them. So fair warning I frequently am led from one topic to another before actually completing the last. I will try to work on that, but don't have too high of hopes, neither should you.
 I have always be slightly curious to bdsm. The D/s part more specifically. It took some years, but I worked up the courage to tell my husband I wanted him to Dominate me. That is another post...
I want this blog to help me learn what I want from this, and to maybe help others once I am further along.
I will be sharing the blog with my husband - from now on referred to as Sir, unless we change that. But I am shy and even after being together for 11 years this may, I have a hard time expressing myself to him. So I am pretending he IS not reading this. Maybe that will help me open up?
Here goes nothin!!

***His