Communication is key...

I am having a hard time writing this post, and it's because I was being stupid.

I told myself I needed to punish myself because I was still trying to grasp control and not trusting Sir. I thought, I will tell him and let him decide on his own punishment for me, but I will punish myself each time I start to slip. (that's why this is hard to write, I realize now, that I was still doing What I was telling myself I had to stop doing) but I think Sir handled it well. 

As my "self inflicted" punishment. I decided on nipple clamps for five hours. When sir got off work an hour after starting this. I told him everything. But that I thought I would not make the entire 5hrs as I didn't realize how severe that was going to be. He told me I either made it my 5 hrs or He put them "somewhere else" for 5hrs.... Effectively taking control away from me. 

I made it to 4hrs with him periodically toying with them, at 4hrs I almost lost it when a little hand accidentally grabbed each of them.... But I was not about to endure them where Sir had in mind, so I kept fighting through the pain. Finally the grabby hands were in bed, and I had 30 min left.... Sir wanted to play. I knew they were not coming off in 30min. 

I prepared myself for Him the way he likes, and was waiting when the alarm I set on my phone went off. I turned the alarm off, and continued to wait. 

A few min later I was again bound to the hooks in the wall, and tortured for information I didn't want to give. I caved and gave part of the information, and would have given it all but I honestly could not remember the other half of the answer he wanted. That did not go well for me. 

After more teasing and punishing, I was led to the bed, head hanging off, face stufed with balls and cock, and tortured more. Of course I did not deserve the clamps taken off yet... But at this point other body parts hurt worse then my nipples, and I was too distracted to care about them... So that is when he chose to remove them. HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That was intense. 

After calming down from that experience, I was brought to the edge of my orgasm several times, but never allowed to cum. 

I was upset. I was proud of myself for keeping the clamps on so long, and for doing better controlling my orgasm when I was told I could not have it. But Sir did not feel I deserved it yet. He came all over my chest and left me wanting....

This is where things went really really right. Even if others wont see it that way. It was exactly what I needed. We sat down and talked. About everything. For once I was not writing confused messages, notes or blog posts, trying to figure out what I wanted to say, I was able to just say it. And he was finally opening up about where he was at with everything as well. I wanted to tie him to a chair and never let him move, since he was finally talking. We didn't talk as Dom/sub, but as husband and wife. And we didn't talk only about BDSM, we did talk a lot about that,  but we talked about a lot of other things too. I'm not sure how long but maybe 2/3hrs we sat there. I was so happy about it. I feel insanely better. I finally did actually let go of the control.

Everything that was decided/discussed is not really relevant to the blog, but the things that are, I will share:
 I have a better idea of what he wants from this, so don't feel I have to guess. 

He does not want the 24/7 dynamic. He wants an equal partner sometimes. I can't say I disagree ;) 

But I would like it to be a little more then only in the bedroom, so we decided anything sexual anytime of day is His control & after the minor monsters are in bed for then night, He is in charge 100%. We have very few hard limits, and basically all our limits/likes/dislikes are the same, for now. Mostly because we have not tried much. So are open to it, until we can make a better decision. 
I do have a few rules now, but He wants to be careful of our relationship, and go slowly, so nothing too crazy yet.

After finally deciding it was really late and we needed to go to sleep, I hinted I was not quite ready to sleep yet... He said if gave him a good enough blow job, He would fuck me and let me finish... Yeah I sucked that penis with everything in me, and earned my reward ;)
***His